Before I was pregnant, I would hear other mother's birth stories and would automatically fill up with anxiety. I was so scared to be pregnant and to give birth. I was afraid of what it would feel like to have a baby in my tummy and to have to push that baby out. And oh, don't EVEN talk to me about a C-section! I didn't want to hear any details of that. It TOTALLY freaked me out. I have an insane amount of anxiety around health, hospitals and surgeries. I knew that once I was pregnant, I would eat incredibly healthy, take care of myself like never before and was going to be absolutely natural in everyway possible. No medication for me! No epidural, and I was for sure having this baby vaginally!
When hubs and I found out we were pregnant, it was Christmas morning. I hadn't had a period since November, but that wasn't unusal for me. (I have polycystic ovary syndrome) So, we waited to take a pregnancy test until Xmas morning. Hubs and I waited quietly for the digital test to read the verdict..."Pregnant" appeared on the test and we both gasped! I immediately started crying. I had so many emotions going on. I was petrified! I was ecstatic! But the fear outweighed the excitement. There was no turning back. I was going to be pregnant for ten months! That was that. I was so freaked out. We scheduled an appointment with the OBGYN right after the holidays. He, of course, confirmed the pregnancy. And so it began.
I hired a doula, who was my newly found neighbor. If I didn't have high blood pressure to start off with, I would have elected to do a home birth. Having a doula was a must for me. I needed someone to be available to answer questions, ease my mind and help me through the process of pregnancy and delivery. Haize, my doula, was there and did all of those things. In the end, she became so much more to us than our doula.
I had to watch my blood pressure. I stopped taking the medication because it wasn't safe for the baby. So, I tried a medication that was supposed to be safe and my blood pressure dropped in the middle of the night. (I ended up having a minor panic attack after this) Needless to say, I nixed that one. I began doing things holistically...no medication to see if I could. I was able to keep my BP down with my eating choices (and the 2nd trimester helped because apparently, the blood pressure goes down during those months). At three months, my OBGYN wanted to have the NT ultrasound done to check for genetic defects, etc. The usual doctor he refers to was booked up, so he found another doctor that he spoke very highly of...he happend to be a high risk perinatologist. I went there expecting to have the ultrasound done and that be that. Nope. He must have assumed I was there for high risk as well, because I was given a no sugar diet to prevent gestational diabetes and lower blood pressure, he put me on vitamins and baby aspirin for the bp and I was to see him every so often. He told me I shouldn't gain any weight. (Ok, I was freaked out by this visit - I did not want to be treated like a high risk pregnancy)...I did end up getting gestational diabetes) I was able to avoid insulin shots by taking a small dosage of medication and of course, watching my food intake was the BIGGEST part of all. I did not gain a pound. This doctor became my favorite because he wanted me to try holistic healing first before medicine. He believed diet could change most things that I encountered. And he was pretty much right on. I ate so well, I was amazed by it all. (If you used to follow me a while back, you will know that I battle with an eating disorder - binge to be specific)I couldn't believe how I was able to eat so well without binging. Everything for my baby. He must have the best!
This was me at 5 1/2 months pregnant.
About this time, I went to my OBGYN and a conversation about C-sections and epidurals began. I said something about wanting to avoid an epidural and he asked why. I told him because I wanted to do this naturally. He smirked and said "Epidurals are good. We don't want you screaming in pain." Nope. Not the person I want delivering my baby and forcing me into an epidural because he didn't want to hear me scream! I would be pushing a baby out, asshole! Of course, I am going to scream! That is normal. This was when I switched from my scientific, medicine minded OBGYN to one that was more willing to give me other options than medicine first and not so quick to resort to C-section.
Ok, whew...that is enough for now...I will end here for now and follow up tomorrow with more of My Birth Story.